Marquid de Sade

My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others! My manner of thinking stems straight from my considered reflections; it holds with my existence, the way I am made. It is not in my power to alter it, and were it, I would not do so. This manner of thinking you find fault with is my sole consolation in life; it alleviates all my sufferings in prison, it composes all my pleasures in the world outside, it is dearer to me than life itself. Not my manner of thinking, but the manner of thinking of others has been the source of my unhappiness. The reasoning man who scorns the prejudices of simpletons necessarily becomes the enemy of simpletons; he must expect as much and laugh at the inevitable. A traveller journeys along a fine road. It has been strewn with traps. He falls in to one. Do you say it is the traveller’s fault, or that of the scoundrel who lays the traps? If then, as you tell me, they are willing to restore my liberty if I am willing to pay for it by the sacrifice of my principles or tastes; we may bid one another an eternal adieu. For rather than part with those, I would sacrifice a thousand lives and a thousand liberties, if I had them. These principles and these tastes, I am their fanatic adherent; and fanaticism in me is the product of all the persecutions that I have endured from my tyrants. The longer they continue their vexations, the deeper they root my principles in my heart, and I openly declare that no one need ever talk to me of liberty, if it is offered to me only in return of their destruction.

- Marquis de Sade, in a letter to his wife.

Drift Away

What bounds me, liberates me
let me breathe free,
i want to yell, jump off the highest cliff to the point of no return,
i call out to my creator, answer me
the wrath i m willing to incur, let me only know the reason for my being.

I totter among the mindless crowds,
lost, dazed, and confused about my sense of identity;
liberate me my creator then, from the shackles of mortality.

Let me fly like a bird,
soar the skies unbound,
let me feel no emotions, let me feel no pain,
let me not be bound, to any materialistic gain.

I yell, let me breathe,
i see not the beauty anymore,
i m dead inside, incapable of angst that the world causes me;
what good am i then? a dead man walking..
Give me my reasons to be, my creator, for it is not without much agony that i live..

Nostalgia

I watched 'flashbacks of a fool' last night..the new Daniel Craig film..it had a nice touch to it..nostalgia entwined with the complicacies of growing up..the protagonist, craig, is torn between the seductive advances of his mother's friend and his potential relationship with a female called Ruth..nice movie..especially if you like movies which are slow and make you reflect on your innerself..

Do a lot of people sometimes feel that they maybe grew up too fast..that they would have wanted to prolong their growing up years. I at times feel that i grew up too fast..that i knew a lot of things, knowledge of which could have probably been delayed by a couple of years. There are times when you wonder what it would be like to be a child again..adolescent, carefree..to run into your dad's arms when he came back from office at evenining..to go on for kilometres on end on your bike without a bother in the world..a time when you debated with your friends over how many comic books you bought..when the one thing to be worried about used to be what you would get from your parents on your birthday.

It sometimes feels like life is like a whirwind tour..and you have to experince the delinquencies and idiosyncrasies of so many people and yourself..you re suddenly at a stage when its un cool to be living with your parents, when its fashionable to know boring things about your career and when every little thing that you do has to be accounted for..Suddenly it s like, you re living your parents life once again, you go to work, you're good at your work..but what for..so that you save up enough money to be able to buy a nice house and a nice car..that s what our parents did isn't it..what did we do in our lifetimes to bring in that factor of differentiation from what is conventionality..

Life as it turns out is one big vicious cycle..you seek happiness in every moment, every face, that you encounter..love, joy, happiness..or atleast the pursuit of it..

When we were kids, we wanted to grow up..when we were teenagers, we wanted the financial freedom that comes from being independent (read working)..when we reach that stage, we again yearn to be kids again, to not worry about trivial matters such as house rent and rising fuel prices..when do we stop wanting things that we can lo longer have..a man always yearns for the one thing that he cannot have..how do we define ambition then??

Materialistic pursuits..when does it end..where does it begin..theories of socialism, communism..demand generates products..products generate demands..a guy on a bike aspires to buy a car..a guy in a hatchback aspires to own a sedan..do we want all these things only because they exist..what if they didn't..would we have been devoid of ambition then..its hard to tell...even if that had been the case, i guess we would have devised newer things to drive our ambition, our lust forward..

Random musings..as i like callin what i wrote above..are things i guess everyone thinks about sometime or the other..how much do we do with these musings..

"To see a world in a grain of sand, or a heaven in a wild flower..hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour"..

Notice how you sometimes have days when nothing monumental happens..let alone monumental, nothing of even the remotest significance happens..well anyway..so i had one of those days today, so i thought to myself, what do i do to make myself remember this day, tommorow, and hence my blog..oh yeah..Obama did become president today..like his speeches..but..ehhh..come to think of it..it not like i need to go to the oval office tommorow and congratulate him or anything..so basically i m intentionally obliterated of world happenings at most times..coming back to me starting my own blog..for those of you who know me well enough and are endowed with intellect for me to discuss my likes and dislikes with you, would know that i have vehmently opposed the idea of blogging since time immemorial..i always stood by the notion that it does not make any sense what so ever to share your life's happenings with the rest of the world..but..ok..ill cut the crap..i was jealous of all the pretentious lousy arses who kept gettin praise for their blogs..so i thought..what the hell..lets get a piece of that cake..so here's an attempt at bein world famous..if it goes anythin like my other ventures..most of you still would not know me..damn..there s a flip side to everything isn't it..anyhoo..the name of my blog..'burn after reading'..well it comes from this new movie that i m downloading while starting my blog..the title makes sense as well.burn after reading..how many of you out there actually think that anyone else's point of view affects your life or even your smallest actions..voila..burn after reading..

so thats an introduction to me, my madness, my innate sense of superiority over everyone else, and my blog..i hope to put up something here pretty soon, which hopefully will make for good reading..so let's hope that happens soon, else this would just be another exercise in futlity, which i m so used to by now..toodles..